Prelude to a Kiss

Almost 6 years back, I have come to Bangalore to set out on the new phase of life. I passed out of a college where we hardly got an air about long hairs, forget even knowing them. I was kicked about my first job and very skeptical of the life at the same time for it was my first time in this beautiful garden city. I was lost in the gigantic concrete structures and spate of traffic. Cultural differences gaped in my face. It had taken little time for me to get acclimatized to the city life.

I started interacting with colleagues and was lucky enough to convert some of them into friends. Life was sailing smoothly with friends around and one year had passed in a jiffy. I was desperately seeking some change and one day, “Why don’t you move in with me?” said my uncle who had then moved to Bangalore. He was staying in a spacious 3 bed room flat, provided by the government. I felt it could do some good, and took up the offer immediately even though it proved to be tiring journey to office. After living in a packed can, I felt like a free bird in such large apartment. This offset the trouble of traveling 60KM daily. Life was progressing like boat on a placid lake.

“Do you mind giving me a lift home, as it is already late for me to get a cab?” asked a colleague of mine. “I actually stay near your place”, she continued. I have hardly spoken to her during the one year of our working together. I replied “Ok” and we were on our way. It was an uneasy ride back home as it was the first time I had ever taken a girl on my bike. Silence dominated with only couple of discussions during the ride back home. Little did I know what the destiny has got in store for me.

“Sorry”, I said and she smiled as she brushed against me after I applied the brake the last minute to avoid collision. Next three days, I have picked and dropped her home. Gradually, the wall between us had begun to shrink. We discussed topics ranging from work to relationships to religion. It looked like we were bonding nicely and within no time we seemed to miss each other’s company. Calling each other late nights had started to overcome the void. These calls were often made under blankets or in the balcony considering them to be some cloak of invisibility.

I was slowly getting used to the new developments in my life. “My distant cousin is coming down from Delhi for an interview and uncle gave me the responsibility to take her around” I said while coming back from office. “Oh, good”, she replied nonchalantly. There was silence and I could not pick on the hints for I was a complete dud and failed miserably in reading women.  During our regular post 11PM calls, the discussions were a bit more intense than usual and suddenly she said those magic words. I couldn’t believe my ears. My heart was pounding so hard, that I could hear it. It was not exactly happiness, but a kind of thrill combined with equal amount of tension. Mixture of emotions overpowered me. “Love you too”, words popped out of my mouth as if something kicked them from inside. “That’s it! Is this love?” I assumed it in affirmative as I never knew what love really meant.

The following morning, our hearts were bubbling out of excitement and the fragrance of love spread everywhere. We could not see each other as eyes got heavier with shy.  She sat silently behind, and the distance between us was inches more than usual. I could not let out my feelings as was unsure of the reactions. Both of us were aware of the deafening silence around. We wanted to break the shackles and behave normally. Finally the moment arrived. “I am going to be late today”, she said. It meant that we could not go back home together.

I never had problem go back home alone, but not on that day. I logged out and went to a nearby mall on the pretext of shopping. Sometimes we so wish that we did not have friends, and that day was one of them. They too hung around with me, which made me even more conscious. I was messaging her stealthily, trying to find out the time she would leave. I did not want to show her my keenness to be with her, and could not afford to leave at the same time. “I am going home”, I announced and went back to office to pick up my bike. I sent a text asking her to come to basement, and that we could go back together. As expected, we did go back home together, with my heart filled with unknown excitement & joy. I parked my bike and we walked the last 500 meters to her house. We trotted under the starry night with moon playing hide & seek occasionally.  Pace died down and arm’s distance converged into inches. Intermittent clash of hands has become regular and slowly the fingers intertwined themselves into a tender groove. Even before we could cherish the moment, we reached home, and I cursed god for making it so short lived. We bade each other good bye and as I turned back to collect my bike, I found a spring in my foot steps. I realized that few eyes were following me as I hopped back to my bike.

As the days passed, impatience and the eagerness to spend more time with each other have grown astronomically. But, we had to wait, until…

Memories...

. . . “Munduki  velinna samayam venukaki radu…” A saying in Telugu, which means we cannot amend things back in time. Time and relationships are correlated. A relationship between two people can start in various ways. It could take an instant spark, a moment, couple of meetings, or a graduation from friendship. It varies with people and time. Just the way we cannot turn things back in time, likewise we cannot change the moments in a relationship. We can either engrave the sweet memories, or bury the painful in the grave and move on. It is far easier to etch the sweet ones forever, but is it that easy to lay the painful moments to rest and move on? Do the memories haunt?

One can create memories, only when they are involved in them. Involvement does not mean being merely a part or witness to the incident. Emotional connect with the person/s create such moments. Once the connection is established, every random incident can turn out to be a memory. Memories can only be created and cannot be destroyed. Millions of such memories are created during one’s life time.

Everyone has their own memoir of sweet and sour memories.  They are like guests, some invited and some uninvited. The uninvited more often than not, carry the baggage of trouble, inconvenience or irritation along with them; while the invited spread happiness and energy around, they can create sort of discomfort at times, depending on the circumstances. Similarly, we recall some of the pleasantries that can catapult the spirits to great heights. In a situation, where the pleasantries are just a mirage, recalling them might fire back. Being aware of the absence of the sweet moments in the present, might even result in depression.

Every memory created is like putting a brick into the wall. With passing time, the wall gets stronger.  It is good to have a strong wall, for we can take its support in times of desolation and despondency. A very important thing to keep in mind while building the wall is to be on top of it every time. Sometimes, the wall is so high that we cannot scale it and move on to the other side. We will be left lurching on one side losing the sight of the future. We need to exercise caution, before it is too late to mount.              

Memories are the elixir of life. They cause Happiness, Joy, Sorrow, make you feel the pain and at the same time lets you to relish the pleasure. Their existence will make you feel alive. They are like the shadows, which follow you everywhere. They will never alienate you, even though the people who were a part of it might.  One can either choose to be happy and be content with them or brood over the past or relive the pain yet again. It is easy to be a witness than being a part of it. While it is simple to think about the thought of moving on, the painful void of the sweet memories will continue to haunt. 

Battle at Mohali

Mohali, March 30^th 2011 – It is not like any other day. The day when the whole nation comes to standstill for a period of seven hours; it could be more chilling than the cold waters of the Arctic. It is the day which will be engraved in the history of cricket as the two arch rivals in the sub continent lock their horns for the berth in the finals. Their rivalry is considered to be one of the most intense in the sporting fraternity.

India is going to face Pakistan for the fifth time. Everyone dreamt of this epic battle between the two of the fiercest teams in the cricketing world. On their day, they have the capacity to tear the opposition apart. Both the teams know their strengths their weaknesses. If it is so obvious, what is so unique about this encounter, some might wonder.

With perpetual political indifferences between the two nations, this game of cricket is expected to bring the nations together. It has indeed brought the heads to meet easily (which otherwise would have had lot of bureaucratic interferences). So, this isn’t just a game of cricket, but an ambassador of peace. This is more than just a game wherein anybody could win or lose.  From the players’ perspective, it is all about winning, for the heroes will be immortalized.

Mohali, known for its facilities & environment, is widely regarded as one of the best cricket grounds in India. This swanky stadium hosts the grand event, wherein some legends are dying to engrave their names in the cricketing history. The speed of Akhtar, accuracy of Gul, tectonics of Afridi & co has made Pakistan sail through to semis with least resistance. On the other hand riding on a determined Sachin, gusty Yuvraj, Breezy Sehwag, and matured Zaheer, India had to face rough sea. While Akmal had his chances behind the wickets, Dhoni & Yousuf have been long due. So far, Pakistan had overcome the obstacles with ease, while India had to earn its place the hard way. With different approaches towards the game, both the teams seem well prepared.

As the momentum snowballs into a humongous force across the nation, work takes a back seat with employees groups taking sides (rather one side). It is an unofficial holiday at the IndiaInc. Most of the corporate are gearing up with various options for their employees to minimize the impact on the deliverables. Day off, multiple televisions installed on the floor, screening in the cafeteria are some of the schemes the companies are resorting to. After all, India is playing against Pakistan for a berth in the final.

As both the nations ready their armies for the battle, there isn’t much to take sides as it is more about handling the nerves. I can hear my heart pounding as I imagine the moment, the moment every Indian has been waiting for the last one week. Will it be a cracker as always, or will it be a knockout punch by either of the teams.

We will have to wait.

Relationships - Weird?!!

The Artist set the background for a beautiful evening. The clouds formed a canopy to protect the protagonist from the blazing sun, as he rode the bike through the menacing traffic in a hurry. All of a sudden, the needle in the speedometer dropped. The sound died as he killed the engine. Faint lines appeared on the forehead and he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. Everything around seemed to be lost in infinity. The bike sprung to life as he pressed the ignition, and sped off as if something required his immediate attention.

The room was dark and his face was lit by the light that emanated from his laptop. He was lying on his bed, with only boxers on to beat the October heat.    He typed the keys fervently without staring into the screen. By the time his fingers paused, the first page was almost full. The page read…

“It struck me like a lightening, a weird chain of entangled thoughts. I decided to bisect them, for understanding and analyzing them was very important for his life to change.  With very few things left that could keep me engaged for long time, I decided to pen down a few thoughts that augment my interests.

Life is such a weird thing… some relations that would just make you alive, while the same would bore you down after sometime. “I like you”, “We have so many things in common”, “and I am impressed”…What do they mean? Or they used out of genuine feelings or just mere formality?

Why are we not happy? Can we not fight all the time? Why can we not be like others? More often than not, these sorts of questions keep creeping into the modern relationships, answers to which both parties seldom agree.

How many times you have used the above mentioned/ similar statements or you were at the receiving end.

In a relationship, you often get to hear “You are so predictable”, “You are boring”, and the lists vary across gender/age. What does your partner expect from you in these situations? Do they expect you to be a mystery, exciting or interesting all the time? If you remain a mystery, suspicions crop up and threaten your very relation. While we do find relations that manage to maintain the interest/ spice in their relation, more often than not we tend to hear the clichéd statements like “we need to work on our relationship, let us rekindle the dying fire in our relation and so on.” So, what are the optimum boundaries we need to maintain to retain the spice in your relation?

Knowing each other too well, sometimes leads to complacency.  It’s like a cancer, once invaded, keeps creeping into other activities, paralyzing them, and even result in the death/end of the relation unless treated early. It is very easy to be a victim of …”

… Suddenly he turned around, gaping into the darkness around him, as if something is moving around. Silence… assured that no one is around he started typing again.

3...2..1.

And suddenly the count down has stopped in its track. It would be business as usual as I had entered the glass doors for the last time. I could feel the gaze scathing me all over as I entered the arena. Milieu seemed far from normal despite the regular chores. The feeling of being lost in the ocean of emotions is no stranger to me now. Emotions preferred to stay indoors. I so wished that everything returned to normal as soon as possible for I could no longer be comfortable.

I shifted uneasily in the chair as it refused to budge so that I could easily hide from those piercing eyes. For a change time obliged to my request and it passed swiftly. I thanked god as I sat down to savor the unappetizing food for the last time with my comrades. Few chairs beside me bore a bare look and I guessed it right; something was being planned as a part of the ritual carried out on the last day of an employee. “Alert: Meeting in 5min” beeped on all the screens. As I paced into the meeting room brimming with people, expressions on their faces revealed it all. Uneasiness got control of me as I slowly slipped into a chair, making sure not to be in the limelight.

No sooner than the organizer cleared his throat, the loud chattering fell to hush tones. The fact that it was the ultimate day had been pronounced. Silence… it was deafening. I was prodded to say few words for the last time. They were all ears as words became sentences and they kept flowing until I cracked. The going was getting tougher. I never realized that it would be so difficult to part from everyone. Uneasy silence filled the air and as if to make the ambience more congenial, I was handed over the parting gift. People said few nice words as I busy opening the gifts. This is the end, I thought. I answered most of the doubting Thomas’ that were anxious about my few ventures and set about completing my formalities. Tears rolled out as they got heavier in the sockets and I found company in couple of others. Concoction of happiness and sadness ruled the day. I headed to the usual lair for the final ceremony, organized by my close chums. Out of the blue, goodie bag had been presented to me by the lair’s manager, wishing me all the best for my future endeavors. It was indeed moment of the day as it came from the most unexpected quarter. Some of the moments during that day plastered most of my fallacies and made it grueling to pass through those gates for the final time.

It was my last day...

The Dawn of the Dusk

7th May, 2010 it was the day. Absence of the clattering thoughts and feelings made the morning quiet. The only unscheduled event marked on the Calendar, had to be honored on that day. As I crawled out of the bed indolently, I could hear familiar faint noises in the drawing room. I walked aimlessly and I kept telling myself “Today is the day”. Mystified would be apt, as the emotions have failed to single themselves out. It was one of the most difficult choices I ever had to make due to lack of options. In spite of widely discouraged by the world, I choose to stand by the minority.

To rebuild the ruins and bring back the grandeur, Phoenix, I chose to be. As I got into the mud to carve out a better future, not only I dirtied my hands, but also I had been called as the one with a black soul. Silently I screamed, but little did it create any impact. Desolate, Despondent and no one to shoulder, phoenix started to falter. As the pull of tentacles wound around me grew stronger, the ground beneath me became shaky.

I lived a bit too long to see myself as a villain. Realization dawned upon me, for it is the time now. I decided to chop off the forces that bound me and stand my ground. It was late in the evening when I went about the job unceremoniously. Though it was not the ideal way of execution, I did not find any resistance. I was neither in pain, nor happy as the emotions isolated me. I felt light as I walked out of those glass doors through which I will be passing for a finite number of times now.

Count Down has begun.